A little better but...

 Well, each day I am doing Pimsluer trying to get my money's worth. I have been doing about 2 lessons per day, but not always.

Today, I want to write about a problem I have - that I observe over and over - and which is ironic because I KNOW what to do about. C'mon, I counsel people on this all the time.

Confidence.

Ironically, I did not start out having anxiety to speak Spanish... in fact I was very brave to try it the way I did. However, it went so badly - I was super uncomfortable, I blanked out, I wanted it to be over. When we were done talking - I cried ... and cried. I share this experience with my students all the time and it is wonderful. They bond with me immediately and I can see them relax. They know that I understand what it feels like to be on the other side. So, although the speaking part of it did not go so well, the learning opportunity was priceless. 

Anyway, I have decided to step up my efforts or stop. So, I am going to a meeting in Spanish this weekend. I have low expectations and I am looking forward to not understanding very much nor being able to express myself well. I don't care. I am ready for this. Ready in the sense that I have learned a few things. 

1. I can do this - but I need to speak slowly. 

I have often rushed myself. Boo to that! When I do Pimsluer, I can do it but I speak with pausing at times. 

2. I cannot do it perfectly and I really don't care anymore. 

My only goal is to try. By going - I am trying.

One thing that I have noticed about so many people who say they are not very good at English - they have all studied it in school. I did not study Spanish in school except for a 9 week class. It is not a fair comparison. If a program or teacher is promising you "fluency" or a specific level in a short amount of time - they are lying. No one can know that. A lot of people do progress faster than others. Who cares!? I hate these comparisons because they too often make people feel less than. Those who progress quickly have probably studied before (but do not say so), or have other exposure. 

You are good at it? Good for you. What do you want, a cookie?

I'll try to speak. I will fail. I will be happy I failed and I will give myself that cookie. To me - the effort is what deserves kudos - not the level of perfection.