Today I visited a meeting in Spanish

 Okay, the good, the bad and the ugly - 

First, I am glad I went. I am busy the next few weekends. It was kind of a random decision anyway... sort of like "I may quit soon - there are Spanish meetings/why haven't I taken advantage of them/ let's poop or get off the pot kinda thing."

1. I understood a lot.  (yay!)

2. Listening to Americans speaking Spanish is much easier than to people in northern Spain (ay yi yi).

3. I studied beforehand and was surprised how many words I already knew - most of them.

4. I answered two times and got good feedback regarding it.

I was feeling somewhat anxious beforehand - not for the meeting but to respond during conversation. Well, other than during the meeting, everyone simply defaults to English (worry unnecesary). However, I had decided to embrace it anyhow. One good thing that I have learned in the last three years is to say "screw it" and just do it. I care A LOT less about making mistakes than I ever have... it gets you absolutely NOWHERE. (= GOOD LESSON). I was slow to learn it - but I have learned it.

On the way home, I felt both happy and sad. 

Sad because I still do not have much use or motivation for continuing Spanish. It is an established part of my routine - but I have no reward from it. I need to be using it and getting a dopamine hit from conversation. I was sad because what is stopping me is my husband. However, I can't go to Spanish without him and I won't force anything on him. 

I am tired of being in this state of limbo about moving. 

I think it is good that I have time to decide - but the wait gets old. I decided not to get upset about it. 

Anyhow, I really want to improve my listening by watching t.v. - now I will try to find something to fill this. In the past I have been wildly unsuccessful. 

I simply do not like Spanish shows. I have tried YouTube ... I will look some more.